I Need To Talk To You

by Samm Bennett

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1.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU i need to talk to you, i got some new ideas from now on I’m only gonna speak in Chinese onomatopoeias and my jokes won’t have any punchlines, just only the set up i’ll set an alarm for five am but I ain’t gonna get up I’m gonna go right back to sleep until five oh two but first I need to talk to you, need to talk to you i need to bend your ear, and cry on your shoulder cause things haven't gotten any easier even though I’ve gotten older i got a noisy engine that backfires as I drive down the boulevard and everything else is falling apart all around me life done got hard and I used to count myself among the lucky few i need to talk to you, need to talk to you the waitress came and took away my drink but I wasn’t quite finished with that a sudden gust of wind came up and blew away my favorite hat I chased it all the way to Spain, it landed in Madrid and some drunk bullfighter stabbed it fulla holes, i swear he did i know it all sounds crazy, nonetheless it’s true i need to talk to you, need to talk to you now that ain't no half full glass, that glass is half empty that’s the final word full stop the judge, he handed me a saxophone he said "boy you better play some bebop if you don't do it like Charlie Parker I’m gonna sentence you to thirty years" I said "judge, howsabout I blow the kazoo on a coupla choruses of 96 Tears?" judge pounded his gavel, gave me thirty two i need to talk to you, need to talk to you now people, there comes a time in each man’s life he’s got to make that big decision he’s got to choose his weapon, and take a stand never mind the scorn and derision i’m gonna hit the ground running, come out fighting and everybody better watch out i’ll take no prisoners, watch me move and shake and twist and shout but how to do all this, I must admit, I haven’t got a clue i need to talk to you, need to talk to you i need to talk to you i mean really baby it just can’t wait i need advice on what I should think about not to mention what to contemplate i don’t trust myself anymore my own judgement’s unreliable even my own face, in the mirror is unidentifiable so I’m begging you darling, before the night is through i need to talk to you, need to talk to you i need to talk to you, need to talk to you
2.
JACK'S CANCELLATION SHOES people, yesterday I had the blues like I was missing all my goddang cues i thought “what’ve I got to lose?” i went to Jack’s Cancellation Shoes Jack’s Cancellation Shoes i bought a real nice pair at Jack’s then i jeaded for the railroad tracks hopped a train to Santa Cruz in my Jack’s Cancellation Shoes Jack’s Cancellation Shoes when I got there, the folks all said “you ought to buy your shoes from Fred! Fred’s are much better than Jack’s and Fred don’t charge no sales tax! no sales tax! no sales tax!” so i told ‘em “hey y'all, Jack’s are best! you want your Fred’s? well, be my guest! cause i’m going back to New York town you yokels are bringing me down! you yokels are bringing me down! bringing me down! bringing me down! bringing me down! bringing me down!” so i’m headin’ back to New York now just as fast as my feet will allow and people let me tell you the news i’m goin’ to Jack’s Cancellation Shoes right on back to Jack’s right on back to Jack’s right on back to Jack’s Cancellation Shoes
3.
THE HUMAN CONDITION now sooner or later we all fall outta some big tall building but we do our best to land without getting hurt and all of us, at one time or another have shown up at some formal affair in raggedy underpants, muddy boots and a tank top shirt and I ’m sure you’ve left the house on occasion and boarded a flight to Brazil then realized you left the baby at home and she must be getting hungry it’s all just part a being alive, no need to be hard on yourself just chalk it up to experience, and don’t get angry it’s the human condition, a little daily war of attrition but in the end it’s all an apparition, the human condition i know a fellow lives over In Kathmandu he’s always climbing Mt Everest he’s up to the top and back down again ‘bout three times a day he used to have a real good job making TV dinners for the government now he lives in a hovel the size of a TV tray he married a girl from New Jersey, they got along real well right up till the night that she left him for a cheap lothario named LaMonte he was never the same after that but who’s ever the same after anything, anyway? go live on the Upper East Side if *same* is what you want it’s the human condition, a little daily war of attrition but in the end it’s all an apparition, the human condition electromagnets and horsehair suits spaghetti-os served with a smile every day is a new adventure there can be no denying a world of opportunity knocks like a failing engine on a busy highway you could lose a million dollars in Pittsburgh without hardly trying you can take things as you find ‘em pay the finder’s fee 6 months late keeping one step ahead of the goon who wants to break your thumbs go down to the depot and buy yourself a roasted peanut in sauce Bernaise and chat with the pigeons till the midnight train to Georgia comes it’s the human condition, a little daily war of attrition but in the end it’s all an apparition, the human condition the human condition, yes, the human condition (let's bring it all back home straight back to the chromosome, the chromosome the chromosome, the chromosome)
4.
BULLETPROOF VEST woke up yesterday morning, and decided I’d wear a suit go out on the corner, and do a little busking play a few tunes on my nose flute now something happens to a man when he puts on a suit and that something is his pants and jacket match and when you’re looking sharp while playin’ yer flute on the street there’s a few extra coins you’ll catch so from now on I’m dressing my best now I’m off to buy a bulletproof vest my bulletproof vest y’see everybody’s armed to the teeth these days at the grocery stores and at the burger joints and i aim to be protected as i order my french fries when that fellow with the glock draws and points let ‘em fire away man! they can’t hurt me! the bullets bouncing right off my clothes! i’ll stay cool and collected, pay for my fries ask for extra ketchup i suppose from now on I’m dressing my best now I’m off to buy a bulletproof vest my bulletproof vest so now I got the vest, I’m invincible y’all no bullet can get through to me! I’ll go to the Walmart, and the Waffle House too and be 100% worry free but what’s this? someone’s firing! and they clipped me in the foot! another shooter that I’ll have to outfox! but I’ve got a plan, i’m prepared for that too, don’t you see i’m gonna buy me some bullet proof socks see I’m always dressing my best in my bulletproof socks, and my bulletproof vest my bulletproof vest, bulletproof vest yes yes... you can't shoot me! i'm invincible, you see! go ahead, empty your cartidge! i ain't scared! ain't no problem go ahead and shoot! i got my bulletproof vest!
5.
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown hey kids, don't be late, don't hesitate put down that bone and pick up the phone and call Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown he's available to entertain at your birthday party or any such similar affair whatever kinda thing you're doing, kids he don't care, he'll be there Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown he'll bring his bag of tricks bicycle horns and pick up sticks and one of his fabulous chicks to help his act go over like a ton of bricks yes, one of his helpers, scantily clad will stand by his side, looking vacant and sad she'll slip away for five minutes with your dad it'll all be the very best fun you ever had Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown he'll do the old soft shoe he'll do some magic too he'll make your mommy's jewelry box disappear and down a few cans of your daddy's beer then tell a few nasty knock knock jokes and stink up your house with that stuff he smokes Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown he'll say "listen up kids, i don't want no bitchin i'm just paying a visit to your kitchen wanna see what your mommy got cooking" he'll kick your family dog while no one's looking Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown he's gonna have to go i'm sorry kid, it's gonna be an early end to the show he's got to blow town it seems he burned some other kid's house down Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
6.
THE ENSLEY GRILL now people let me tell you something i been all around the world it’s no exaggeration, I been everywhere London, Paris, Istanbul, Rome and Tokyo anyplace you could think of man, I been there hereabouts and thereabouts and no ifs ands or butts abouts down in the deepest valley, up on the highest hill but I’d give anything, oh yes you best believe I would for one more trip to the Ensley Grill one more trip to the Ensley Grill i’ve dined at the finest restaurants, Michelin 5-star joints savored the treats of the finest chefs from all round the globe epicurean gourmet meals, hey that’s the story of my life room service at the Plaza, in my Plaza Hotel robe but friends there’s still that dear old place I sure would love to go and you can bet your last 10 dollars I’d eat my fill it’s way down in Alabama y’all, where the catfish grow so fat i’d give anything for one more trip to the Ensley Grill one more trip to the Ensley Grill crispy chicken, tasty collard greens, down at the Ensley Grill they know what good food means cornbread, fried okra, and man, those black eyed peas take me back to the Ensley Grill, oh lord I beg you please... please! but what’s that you say? the Ensley Grill is closed? it’s been shut down? and here I am, I’ve travelled far and long to get to Ensley town well I’m goin’ back to my motel room going straight to sleep i will and hoping that I’ll dream tonight about a meal at the Ensley Grill one more trip to the Ensley Grill one more trip to the Ensley Grill just one more trip to the Ensley one more trip to the Ensley one more trip to the Ensley Grill aw, take me back!
7.
I WAS TALKING TO OSWALD i was talking to Oswald when Oswald says to me he says "you’re living in a fool’s paradise Samm if you think, if you think that you’re free" i said "well i know I’m free next Thursday cause I ain’t yet made no plans" he said "come on over to my house then and I’ll show you how to walk on your hands" so when Thursday finally rolled around i headed over to Oswald’s place i knocked on his door for an hour till he answered with a sad, sad look on his face he said "Samm we’ve had a death in the family a distant cousin that I never knew but he left me ten dollars and a banjo string and an old brown wingtip shoe" i said "alright then Oswald i got an idea for us friend that inheritance you just came into we could buy us some wine with that ten" he said "hey man I’m still grieving" i said "the wine will surely help with that" he said "alright then I’m with you Samm let me go get my coat and hat" so we set off walking down the boulevard making our way to the liquor store ah but when we arrived we saw a little sign it was stuck on the locked front door now the sign was written in Russian which neither one of us could read so Oswald says let’s "go to the park there’s a pigeon there that I want to feed" we got to the park and we looked for the bird but that particular one wasn’t there Oswald says "I won’t be feeding these others they can fly off and die for all I care" then we saw a policeman approaching all dressed up in riot gear Ozzie said "Samm, let’s do a two man riot" I said "better yet, let’s get on outta here" so we eased up off of the park bench and tried to stroll away nonchalant we made it to the corner then the cop fired some tear gas and we ducked into a restaurant the waitress said "what can I get you boys?" I said "i’d like a bowl of black eyed peas" Oswald studied the menu, he said "give me just a moment please" about an hour later he had finally decided what it was that he wanted to eat but just then there come a big commotion something happening out on the street it seems a manhole had exploded there was steam shooting up like a geyser Oswald stepped out to get a closer look hadn’t even touched his appetizer he hollered “Samm if I jump up on top of that I reckon it’d carry me to outer space” I said “don’cha do it Oswald” but I could tell he would because he had that certain look on his face and then he jumped on top and shot right out into outer space
8.
CONEY ISLAND OF THE MIND every other car of the F train is engulfed in flame but it's pulling on outta West 4th street station just the same step on in, step lively and watch the closing doors we're gonna ride this burner all the way down to Coney Island’s golden shores we'll jump on the roller coaster it's made outta bones and mud we'll play the little game where you shoot the ducks tonight we're out for blood we'll go down under the boardwalk no telling what we'll find down in Coney Island a Coney Island of the mind we'll head on over to the side show and see the woman with a hundred toes the two headed fish and the elastic man who hammers nails into his nose exotic dancers from Cleveland and curiosities of every kind down in Coney Island a Coney Island of the mind with ferris wheels spinning in all their eyes a million souls with a quarter to spend wander through this half-dreamt place from the past to the present and back again we're just two more fools who never wanna go back home and have to face what we left behind down in Coney Island a Coney Island of the mind then in the midst of the sickening swirl at the height of the cheapest thrill there's a blink just a second of silence when everything goes dark and still then a million colored flashing lights bright enough to strike you blind illuminates the desperation at the heart of this Coney Island of the mind and now the dead cold winter surrounds this place the roller coaster's covered with snow the midgets and dancers have all gone home we're the only ones left at the freak show the ferris wheel has rolled away it's pitch black where the lights once shined all we got is each other baby and a Coney Island of the mind all we got is each other baby and a Coney Island of the mind of the mind of the mind of the mind
9.
LIGHTNING STRIKES! i was hit by lightning and just like you’d imagine, yes it was a little bit frightening it was a shock, a jolt to my system i was with some friends, but the lightning missed ‘em and hit me instead it was a big ol’ bolt hit me right in the head and just like in the cartoons i could see my skeleton i could see my skeleton i could see my skeleton electricity hit me like an arrow shot from a crossbow like shaking hands with a Jimi Hendrix guitar solo like jumper cables hooked up to your ears the realization of your deepest fears it wasn't all that pleasant i’d a rather had not been present on that day when the lightning came my way when that bolt of lightning hit i didn’t like it one little bit for weeks afterward I felt like shit and yet I lived to tell the tale i wrote a book all about it it’s now on sale and I hope you’ll buy it, friend it starts at the beginning and ends at the end it's all about the time i was struck by lightning and like I told you before, just as you’d imagine, yes it’s a little bit frightening the proverbial bolt from the blue hurt like hell, man, I tell you true I’d never wish such a thing on you but I can’t say anything more, you want more information? my book’s in the store the title is Lightning Strikes! it’s already got a thousand Facebook likes so you better go buy it soon i reckon it’ll be sold out by June and i don’t know if or when i’ll ever write another book again well, maybe if another bolt hits me or if my good girl quits me or if i ain’t got anything better to do maybe I’ll write another book and it’ll be about you, be about you, be about you maybe it'll be about you
10.
Swamp Root Liver Cure if your fingertips are sore even when you haven't been playing your banjo if your skin is clammy and your ears hurt when you dance if you suffer from mental fatigue undue stress or ingrown toenails i've got what you need people now's your chance swamp root liver cure you need swamp root liver cure if your blood will not coagulate or coagulates too easily if your urine is dusty if your saliva is blue if your mind can't align with the world so you don't know shit from shinola don't worry 'bout nothing i got just the thing for you swamp root liver cure you need swamp root liver cure if your veins and vessels don't run right if your eyeballs itch and swell if your ligaments move your bones in unpredictable ways if your thyroid gland goes missing if your pancreas is hit by a train this'll clear those problems up in a couple of days swamp root liver cure you need swamp root liver cure if your nervous system is down and your spinal cord is diminished if your esophagus ain't got a snowball's chance in hell if your brain is lost in space if your thigh bone's connected to your wrist bone just a couple a bottles, friend is gonna make you well swamp root liver cure you need swamp root liver cure
11.
AT THE ROYAL OAKS i was in Youngstown, Youngstown Ohio i was about to play a show at the Royal Oaks the place was packed looked like it was gonna be a real good night i was warming up the audience telling stream of conciousness knock knock jokes then a guy walked in he was carrying a big ol’ duffel bag his manner and his mood were hard to gauge he pulled a big ol' tuba out of the bag, held it up over his head and said i’m gonna use this horn to blow Samm Bennett off the stage gonna blow that Samm Bennett right off the stage somebody stood up and said hey now buddy this ain’t your show we paid to see Samm Bennett, you can take your tuba and go tuba man said uh-uh no way i ain’t going nowhere so why don’t you just sit right back down, back down in your chair you just sit yourself right back down in your chair the mood in the room was tense, nobody knew what to do so i grabbed the mic, said i got an announcement to make we have a special guest this evening, i said, he’s here to blow his horn so let’s give him a Youngstown welcome for goodness sake a friendly Youngstown welcome for goodness sake so he stepped up onto the stage, loosened his bolo tie he said i carved this tuba from a single piece of wood he put the big ol’ horn to his lips and played an old Burt Bacharach song and i must admit, it sounded pretty good i have to admit the fella sounded pretty damn good well the night went on like that he must’ve played about a hundred tunes smooth jazz , progressive metal and Afro-pop i sat there all night listening to the man who’d stolen my gig the audience wouldn’t let him leave the stage they wouldn’t let him stop no the folks at the Royal Oaks they would not let him stop oh lordy mercy now people i’d sure be lying if i said it didn’t hurt my pride it ain’t easy to swallow that kind of musical slapdown but i’m gonna carve myself a tuba, learn about a thousand songs go back next year and play it for the people in Youngstown i’ll play it for the folks at the Royal Oaks over in Youngstown i'm gonna play it for the folks at the Royal Oaks over in Youngstown Youngstown Ohio at the Royal Oaks
12.
YEAR OF THE MONKEY i was born in the year of the monkey you were born in the year of the dog you drank muddy water i slept in a hollow log i guess good or bad luck doesn’t depend on the year that you were born cause Jack and Jill fell down the hill and then beat up Jimmy Crack Corn ah but the Year of the Monkey thassa helluva year i’ll tellya alla about it if ya come over here the Year of the Pig rolled round and everyone was eatin’ their pork chop somebody said "where’s the vegetables?" you coulda heard a pin drop then came the Year of the Rooster some call it the Year of the Cock i went and grabbed me a chicken took it to the chopping block ah but the Year of the Monkey thassa helluva year i’ll tellya alla about it if ya come over here then along come the Year of the Rat landlord doubled the rent on my flat so I came at him with a baseball bat but do me a favor keep it under your hat i gotta pocket fulla nothing to take i’ll try to outrun the next earthquake and bring you a slice of devil's food cake hoping it’ll be by the Year of the Snake ah but the Year of the Monkey thassa helluva year i’ll tellya alla about it if ya come over here now when the Year of the Dragon meets the Year of the Goat be some goat for breakfast that’s all she wrote the Year of the Tiger i’ll be leaving town by the Year of the Horse i might be back around and then by the Year of the Rabbit i’m hoping to kick this mean drug habit gonna buy you a music box then I’ll be gone again by the Year of the Ox ah but the Year of the Monkey thassa helluva year i’ll tellya alla about it if ya come over here

about

This album is comprised of six brand new releases, plus six songs that were previously released on Bandcamp as singles. Five of those previously released six have had considerable additions made (new tracks) as well as new mixing and mastering.

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released May 7, 2021

Samm Bennett: all words and music.
Recorded, mixed and mastered at Polarity Studio, Tokyo

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Samm Bennett - Polarity Records Tokyo, Japan

Singer and songwriter, player of unusual string instruments such as 3-string and 1-string guitar, plus jaw harps, mouthbow, electronics and junk, plus all manner of drums and percussion.

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