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1. |
I Need To Talk To You
05:37
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I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
i need to talk to you, i got some new ideas
from now on I’m only gonna speak in Chinese onomatopoeias
and my jokes won’t have any punchlines, just only the set up
i’ll set an alarm for five am but I ain’t gonna get up
I’m gonna go right back to sleep until five oh two
but first I need to talk to you, need to talk to you
i need to bend your ear, and cry on your shoulder
cause things haven't gotten any easier
even though I’ve gotten older
i got a noisy engine that backfires as I drive down the boulevard
and everything else is falling apart all around me
life done got hard
and I used to count myself among the lucky few
i need to talk to you, need to talk to you
the waitress came and took away my drink
but I wasn’t quite finished with that
a sudden gust of wind came up and blew away my favorite hat
I chased it all the way to Spain, it landed in Madrid
and some drunk bullfighter stabbed it fulla holes, i swear he did
i know it all sounds crazy, nonetheless it’s true
i need to talk to you, need to talk to you
now that ain't no half full glass, that glass is half empty
that’s the final word full stop
the judge, he handed me a saxophone
he said "boy you better play some bebop
if you don't do it like Charlie Parker
I’m gonna sentence you to thirty years"
I said "judge, howsabout I blow the kazoo
on a coupla choruses of 96 Tears?"
judge pounded his gavel, gave me thirty two
i need to talk to you, need to talk to you
now people, there comes a time in each man’s life
he’s got to make that big decision
he’s got to choose his weapon, and take a stand
never mind the scorn and derision
i’m gonna hit the ground running, come out fighting
and everybody better watch out
i’ll take no prisoners, watch me move and shake
and twist and shout
but how to do all this, I must admit, I haven’t got a clue
i need to talk to you, need to talk to you
i need to talk to you
i mean really baby it just can’t wait
i need advice on what I should think about
not to mention what to contemplate
i don’t trust myself anymore
my own judgement’s unreliable
even my own face, in the mirror is unidentifiable
so I’m begging you darling, before the night is through
i need to talk to you, need to talk to you
i need to talk to you, need to talk to you
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2. |
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JACK'S CANCELLATION SHOES
people, yesterday I had the blues
like I was missing all my goddang cues
i thought “what’ve I got to lose?”
i went to Jack’s Cancellation Shoes
Jack’s Cancellation Shoes
i bought a real nice pair at Jack’s
then i jeaded for the railroad tracks
hopped a train to Santa Cruz
in my Jack’s Cancellation Shoes
Jack’s Cancellation Shoes
when I got there, the folks all said
“you ought to buy your shoes from Fred!
Fred’s are much better than Jack’s
and Fred don’t charge no sales tax!
no sales tax! no sales tax!”
so i told ‘em “hey y'all, Jack’s are best!
you want your Fred’s? well, be my guest!
cause i’m going back to New York town
you yokels are bringing me down!
you yokels are bringing me down!
bringing me down! bringing me down!
bringing me down! bringing me down!”
so i’m headin’ back to New York now
just as fast as my feet will allow
and people let me tell you the news
i’m goin’ to Jack’s Cancellation Shoes
right on back to Jack’s
right on back to Jack’s
right on back to Jack’s Cancellation Shoes
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3. |
The Human Condition
04:46
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THE HUMAN CONDITION
now sooner or later we all fall outta some big tall building
but we do our best to land without getting hurt
and all of us, at one time or another
have shown up at some formal affair
in raggedy underpants, muddy boots and a tank top shirt
and I ’m sure you’ve left the house on occasion
and boarded a flight to Brazil
then realized you left the baby at home
and she must be getting hungry
it’s all just part a being alive, no need to be hard on yourself
just chalk it up to experience, and don’t get angry
it’s the human condition, a little daily war of attrition
but in the end it’s all an apparition, the human condition
i know a fellow lives over In Kathmandu
he’s always climbing Mt Everest
he’s up to the top and back down again ‘bout three times a day
he used to have a real good job
making TV dinners for the government
now he lives in a hovel the size of a TV tray
he married a girl from New Jersey, they got along real well
right up till the night that she left him
for a cheap lothario named LaMonte
he was never the same after that
but who’s ever the same after anything, anyway?
go live on the Upper East Side if *same* is what you want
it’s the human condition, a little daily war of attrition
but in the end it’s all an apparition, the human condition
electromagnets and horsehair suits
spaghetti-os served with a smile
every day is a new adventure
there can be no denying
a world of opportunity knocks
like a failing engine on a busy highway
you could lose a million dollars in Pittsburgh without hardly trying
you can take things as you find ‘em
pay the finder’s fee 6 months late
keeping one step ahead of the goon
who wants to break your thumbs
go down to the depot
and buy yourself a roasted peanut in sauce Bernaise
and chat with the pigeons till the midnight train to Georgia comes
it’s the human condition, a little daily war of attrition
but in the end it’s all an apparition, the human condition
the human condition, yes, the human condition
(let's bring it all back home
straight back to the chromosome, the chromosome
the chromosome, the chromosome)
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4. |
Bulletproof Vest
03:45
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BULLETPROOF VEST
woke up yesterday morning, and decided I’d wear a suit
go out on the corner, and do a little busking
play a few tunes on my nose flute
now something happens to a man when he puts on a suit
and that something is his pants and jacket match
and when you’re looking sharp while playin’ yer flute on the street
there’s a few extra coins you’ll catch
so from now on I’m dressing my best
now I’m off to buy a bulletproof vest
my bulletproof vest
y’see everybody’s armed to the teeth these days
at the grocery stores and at the burger joints
and i aim to be protected as i order my french fries
when that fellow with the glock draws and points
let ‘em fire away man! they can’t hurt me!
the bullets bouncing right off my clothes!
i’ll stay cool and collected, pay for my fries
ask for extra ketchup i suppose
from now on I’m dressing my best
now I’m off to buy a bulletproof vest
my bulletproof vest
so now I got the vest, I’m invincible y’all
no bullet can get through to me!
I’ll go to the Walmart, and the Waffle House too
and be 100% worry free
but what’s this? someone’s firing!
and they clipped me in the foot!
another shooter that I’ll have to outfox!
but I’ve got a plan, i’m prepared for that too, don’t you see
i’m gonna buy me some bullet proof socks
see I’m always dressing my best
in my bulletproof socks, and my bulletproof vest
my bulletproof vest, bulletproof vest
yes yes...
you can't shoot me!
i'm invincible, you see!
go ahead, empty your cartidge!
i ain't scared!
ain't no problem
go ahead and shoot!
i got my bulletproof vest!
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5. |
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Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
hey kids, don't be late, don't hesitate
put down that bone and pick up the phone
and call Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
he's available to entertain at your birthday party
or any such similar affair
whatever kinda thing you're doing, kids
he don't care, he'll be there
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
he'll bring his bag of tricks
bicycle horns and pick up sticks
and one of his fabulous chicks
to help his act go over like a ton of bricks
yes, one of his helpers, scantily clad
will stand by his side, looking vacant and sad
she'll slip away for five minutes with your dad
it'll all be the very best fun you ever had
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
he'll do the old soft shoe
he'll do some magic too
he'll make your mommy's jewelry box disappear
and down a few cans of your daddy's beer
then tell a few nasty knock knock jokes
and stink up your house with that stuff he smokes
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
he'll say "listen up kids, i don't want no bitchin
i'm just paying a visit to your kitchen
wanna see what your mommy got cooking"
he'll kick your family dog while no one's looking
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
he's gonna have to go
i'm sorry kid, it's gonna be an early end to the show
he's got to blow town
it seems he burned some other kid's house down
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
Diamond Dinky Dunco the Dancing Clown
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6. |
The Ensley Grill
03:43
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THE ENSLEY GRILL
now people let me tell you something
i been all around the world
it’s no exaggeration, I been everywhere
London, Paris, Istanbul, Rome and Tokyo
anyplace you could think of
man, I been there
hereabouts and thereabouts and no ifs ands or butts abouts
down in the deepest valley, up on the highest hill
but I’d give anything, oh yes you best believe I would
for one more trip to the Ensley Grill
one more trip to the Ensley Grill
i’ve dined at the finest restaurants, Michelin 5-star joints
savored the treats of the finest chefs from all round the globe
epicurean gourmet meals, hey that’s the story of my life
room service at the Plaza, in my Plaza Hotel robe
but friends there’s still that dear old place I sure would love to go
and you can bet your last 10 dollars I’d eat my fill
it’s way down in Alabama y’all, where the catfish grow so fat
i’d give anything for one more trip to the Ensley Grill
one more trip to the Ensley Grill
crispy chicken, tasty collard greens,
down at the Ensley Grill they know what good food means
cornbread, fried okra, and man, those black eyed peas
take me back to the Ensley Grill, oh lord I beg you please...
please!
but what’s that you say?
the Ensley Grill is closed?
it’s been shut down?
and here I am, I’ve travelled far and long
to get to Ensley town
well I’m goin’ back to my motel room
going straight to sleep i will
and hoping that I’ll dream tonight
about a meal at the Ensley Grill
one more trip to the Ensley Grill
one more trip to the Ensley Grill
just one more trip to the Ensley
one more trip to the Ensley
one more trip to the Ensley Grill
aw, take me back!
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7. |
I Was Talking To Oswald
04:57
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I WAS TALKING TO OSWALD
i was talking to Oswald
when Oswald says to me
he says "you’re living in a fool’s paradise Samm
if you think, if you think that you’re free"
i said "well i know I’m free next Thursday
cause I ain’t yet made no plans"
he said "come on over to my house then
and I’ll show you how to walk on your hands"
so when Thursday finally rolled around
i headed over to Oswald’s place
i knocked on his door for an hour till he answered
with a sad, sad look on his face
he said "Samm we’ve had a death in the family
a distant cousin that I never knew
but he left me ten dollars and a banjo string
and an old brown wingtip shoe"
i said "alright then Oswald
i got an idea for us friend
that inheritance you just came into
we could buy us some wine with that ten"
he said "hey man I’m still grieving"
i said "the wine will surely help with that"
he said "alright then I’m with you Samm
let me go get my coat and hat"
so we set off walking down the boulevard
making our way to the liquor store
ah but when we arrived we saw a little sign
it was stuck on the locked front door
now the sign was written in Russian
which neither one of us could read
so Oswald says let’s "go to the park
there’s a pigeon there that I want to feed"
we got to the park and we looked for the bird
but that particular one wasn’t there
Oswald says "I won’t be feeding these others
they can fly off and die for all I care"
then we saw a policeman approaching
all dressed up in riot gear
Ozzie said "Samm, let’s do a two man riot"
I said "better yet, let’s get on outta here"
so we eased up off of the park bench
and tried to stroll away nonchalant
we made it to the corner then the cop fired some tear gas
and we ducked into a restaurant
the waitress said "what can I get you boys?"
I said "i’d like a bowl of black eyed peas"
Oswald studied the menu, he said
"give me just a moment please"
about an hour later he had finally decided
what it was that he wanted to eat
but just then there come a big commotion
something happening out on the street
it seems a manhole had exploded
there was steam shooting up like a geyser
Oswald stepped out to get a closer look
hadn’t even touched his appetizer
he hollered “Samm if I jump up on top of that
I reckon it’d carry me to outer space”
I said “don’cha do it Oswald” but I could tell he would
because he had that certain look on his face
and then he jumped on top
and shot right out into outer space
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8. |
Coney Island of the Mind
04:23
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CONEY ISLAND OF THE MIND
every other car of the F train is engulfed in flame
but it's pulling on outta West 4th street station just the same
step on in, step lively
and watch the closing doors
we're gonna ride this burner all the way down
to Coney Island’s golden shores
we'll jump on the roller coaster
it's made outta bones and mud
we'll play the little game where you shoot the ducks
tonight we're out for blood
we'll go down under the boardwalk
no telling what we'll find
down in Coney Island
a Coney Island of the mind
we'll head on over to the side show
and see the woman with a hundred toes
the two headed fish and the elastic man
who hammers nails into his nose
exotic dancers from Cleveland
and curiosities of every kind
down in Coney Island
a Coney Island of the mind
with ferris wheels spinning in all their eyes
a million souls with a quarter to spend
wander through this half-dreamt place
from the past to the present and back again
we're just two more fools who never wanna go back home
and have to face what we left behind
down in Coney Island
a Coney Island of the mind
then in the midst of the sickening swirl
at the height of the cheapest thrill
there's a blink just a second of silence
when everything goes dark and still
then a million colored flashing lights
bright enough to strike you blind
illuminates the desperation at the heart of this
Coney Island of the mind
and now the dead cold winter surrounds this place
the roller coaster's covered with snow
the midgets and dancers have all gone home
we're the only ones left at the freak show
the ferris wheel has rolled away
it's pitch black where the lights once shined
all we got is each other baby
and a Coney Island of the mind
all we got is each other baby
and a Coney Island of the mind
of the mind
of the mind
of the mind
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9. |
Lightning Strikes!
02:52
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LIGHTNING STRIKES!
i was hit by lightning
and just like you’d imagine, yes
it was a little bit frightening
it was a shock, a jolt to my system
i was with some friends, but the lightning missed ‘em and
hit me instead
it was a big ol’ bolt
hit me right in the head
and just like in the cartoons i could see my skeleton
i could see my skeleton
i could see my skeleton
electricity hit me
like an arrow shot from a crossbow
like shaking hands with a Jimi Hendrix guitar solo
like jumper cables hooked up to your ears
the realization of your deepest fears
it wasn't all that pleasant
i’d a rather had not been present on that day
when the lightning came my way
when that bolt of lightning hit
i didn’t like it one little bit
for weeks afterward I felt like shit
and yet I lived to tell the tale
i wrote a book all about it it’s now on sale
and I hope you’ll buy it, friend
it starts at the beginning and ends at the end
it's all about the time i was struck by lightning
and like I told you before, just as you’d imagine, yes
it’s a little bit frightening
the proverbial bolt from the blue
hurt like hell, man, I tell you true
I’d never wish such a thing on you
but I can’t say anything more,
you want more information? my book’s in the store
the title is Lightning Strikes!
it’s already got a thousand Facebook likes
so you better go buy it soon
i reckon it’ll be sold out by June
and i don’t know if or when
i’ll ever write another book again
well, maybe if another bolt hits me
or if my good girl quits me
or if i ain’t got anything better to do
maybe I’ll write another book
and it’ll be about you, be about you, be about you
maybe it'll be about you
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10. |
Swamp Root Liver Cure
04:26
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Swamp Root Liver Cure
if your fingertips are sore
even when you haven't been playing your banjo
if your skin is clammy and your ears hurt when you dance
if you suffer from mental fatigue
undue stress or ingrown toenails
i've got what you need
people now's your chance
swamp root liver cure
you need swamp root liver cure
if your blood will not coagulate
or coagulates too easily
if your urine is dusty
if your saliva is blue
if your mind can't align with the world
so you don't know shit from shinola
don't worry 'bout nothing
i got just the thing for you
swamp root liver cure
you need swamp root liver cure
if your veins and vessels don't run right
if your eyeballs itch and swell
if your ligaments move your bones in unpredictable ways
if your thyroid gland goes missing
if your pancreas is hit by a train
this'll clear those problems up in a couple of days
swamp root liver cure
you need swamp root liver cure
if your nervous system is down
and your spinal cord is diminished
if your esophagus ain't got a snowball's chance in hell
if your brain is lost in space
if your thigh bone's connected to your wrist bone
just a couple a bottles, friend is gonna make you well
swamp root liver cure
you need swamp root liver cure
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11. |
At the Royal Oaks
04:06
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AT THE ROYAL OAKS
i was in Youngstown, Youngstown Ohio
i was about to play a show at the Royal Oaks
the place was packed looked like it was gonna be a real good night
i was warming up the audience
telling stream of conciousness knock knock jokes
then a guy walked in he was carrying a big ol’ duffel bag
his manner and his mood were hard to gauge
he pulled a big ol' tuba out of the bag, held it up over his head and said
i’m gonna use this horn to blow Samm Bennett off the stage
gonna blow that Samm Bennett right off the stage
somebody stood up and said hey now buddy this ain’t your show
we paid to see Samm Bennett, you can take your tuba and go
tuba man said uh-uh no way i ain’t going nowhere
so why don’t you just sit right back down, back down in your chair
you just sit yourself right back down in your chair
the mood in the room was tense, nobody knew what to do
so i grabbed the mic, said i got an announcement to make
we have a special guest this evening, i said,
he’s here to blow his horn
so let’s give him a Youngstown welcome for goodness sake
a friendly Youngstown welcome for goodness sake
so he stepped up onto the stage, loosened his bolo tie
he said i carved this tuba from a single piece of wood
he put the big ol’ horn to his lips
and played an old Burt Bacharach song
and i must admit, it sounded pretty good
i have to admit the fella sounded pretty damn good
well the night went on like that
he must’ve played about a hundred tunes
smooth jazz , progressive metal and Afro-pop
i sat there all night listening to the man who’d stolen my gig
the audience wouldn’t let him leave the stage
they wouldn’t let him stop
no the folks at the Royal Oaks they would not let him stop
oh lordy mercy
now people i’d sure be lying if i said it didn’t hurt my pride
it ain’t easy to swallow that kind of musical slapdown
but i’m gonna carve myself a tuba, learn about a thousand songs
go back next year and play it for the people in Youngstown
i’ll play it for the folks at the Royal Oaks over in Youngstown
i'm gonna play it for the folks at the Royal Oaks over in Youngstown
Youngstown Ohio at the Royal Oaks
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12. |
Year of the Monkey
04:41
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YEAR OF THE MONKEY
i was born in the year of the monkey
you were born in the year of the dog
you drank muddy water
i slept in a hollow log
i guess good or bad luck doesn’t depend
on the year that you were born
cause Jack and Jill fell down the hill
and then beat up Jimmy Crack Corn
ah but the Year of the Monkey thassa helluva year
i’ll tellya alla about it if ya come over here
the Year of the Pig rolled round
and everyone was eatin’ their pork chop
somebody said "where’s the vegetables?"
you coulda heard a pin drop
then came the Year of the Rooster
some call it the Year of the Cock
i went and grabbed me a chicken
took it to the chopping block
ah but the Year of the Monkey thassa helluva year
i’ll tellya alla about it if ya come over here
then along come the Year of the Rat
landlord doubled the rent on my flat
so I came at him with a baseball bat
but do me a favor keep it under your hat
i gotta pocket fulla nothing to take
i’ll try to outrun the next earthquake
and bring you a slice of devil's food cake
hoping it’ll be by the Year of the Snake
ah but the Year of the Monkey thassa helluva year
i’ll tellya alla about it if ya come over here
now when the Year of the Dragon meets
the Year of the Goat
be some goat for breakfast
that’s all she wrote
the Year of the Tiger
i’ll be leaving town
by the Year of the Horse
i might be back around
and then by the Year of the Rabbit
i’m hoping to kick this mean drug habit
gonna buy you a music box
then I’ll be gone again by the Year of the Ox
ah but the Year of the Monkey thassa helluva year
i’ll tellya alla about it if ya come over here
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Samm Bennett - Polarity Records Tokyo, Japan
Singer and songwriter, player of unusual string instruments such as 3-string and 1-string guitar, plus jaw harps, mouthbow, electronics and junk, plus all manner of drums and percussion.
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